Here are my guts

Well, I tried to upload pics from our 4th of July celebration but it's not working so I guess I'll just pour my guts out instead.

I am learning sooooo much. First of all, I think I'm passive agressive. I let things build up inside and the build-up becomes a burden, and then the burden effects my whole persona. I just had a GREAT talk with my dutch friend Adeleida. See, the dutch culture is very blunt- tell you like it is. As an american, I sometimes find the dutch way offensive, abrupt, rude, etc. Ok, so I am passive-agressive (I think) and Adeleid is very dutch. This can create problems in our relationship. When she is "rude"I don't say anything about it, I just push it aside, but I don't completely let go. Let's say she is "rude"5 times in 3 days. By day three I am very short with her and she can tell something is really wrong. Then, she asks what's wrong, I pour my guts out, and we hug. So, we just had this huge talk and I sat there and told her everything about her that has annoyed me (her aggressiveness), and she told me everything about me that has annoyed her (my passive-aggressiveness). At the end we were so joyful and completely restored. It is amazing what honesty can do. Our deal is that every time Adeleida says something that I am offended by, I will go to her so we can sort it out. No more letting things build!!! This is a huge challenge, but I am going to try my hardest to be completely honest and blunt.

God is teaching me how to be real and vulnerable and COMPLETELY honest with people. My community here is nurturing these kinds of traits and again this is the hard way to interact with people, not the easy way. This is the way relationships should be. We should sit and listen to people's problems and their joys and their hurts. We should rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. I am reaching a new depth of love for people and reaching new depths in relationships. Praise be to God for the changes He's bringing about in me.

I was an introvert before I came to Amsterdam. I was paranoid of social contact and felt inadequate when I tried to carry on conversations with people. (You may not believe that, but trust me, I know myself). After being here for a few weeks God started to show me that He couldn't use me here the way he wanted to; I had to change, and he was going to change me. So, the process began. The first really huge revelation/change was when I realized I started to love people. Keep in mind I have been scared and uncomfortable with social interaction since forever. And then all of a sudden, I'm desiring to talk to people, to learn more about them, and to have....Conversations!!!! The second breakthrough was asking my friend Daniela to disciple me in the area of evangelism and just plain old hanging out with guests. She has given me really practical advice and the encouragement/kick I needed to reach out to guests. When I first got here I was so scared to approach guests and start up a conversation. But now I am finding my own ways to minister to guests. If I am just present in the hostel God provides broken people for me to spend time with. More times than not, they are Christians. But, who says you can't minister to Christians that are having a difficult time in their life?

God is so good. He is so patient. He is teaching me so much.